Deal Softly With Cynics
Cynicism is one of those traits that I have to watch out for in myself. It’s never been full blown, but I’ve seen it more than I would like over the last little while, as uncertain times bring the undesirable parts of our character to the fore.
I want the best for people and organisations and communities, of course. I’m working for a future more infused with the Kingdom of Heaven than the past, and that’s exciting. My foundation for living is Jesus, the only one who can rightly fulfil every hopeful longing, deliver on every Godly promise, and establish peace in the midst of any situation.
Martin Luther, who knew about doubt and self questioning, wrote: ‘The Spirit is not a sceptic.’ Whilst distinctions could be drawn between scepticism and cynicism, the overlaps are equally clear to see. The Holy Spirit is not a cynic - distrustful, doubting, mocking - but rather the complete and beautiful opposite.
As ones who follow Jesus, filled with that Spirit, we’re urged to follow the way of love, love that: ‘…does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’ (1 Corinthians 13 verses 5-7)
So the question I’ve often asked myself has been, where does cynicism come from? If that’s all true, what gives rise to it? My Britishness, high-bar approach to morality and pursuits, understated introspection?
In ‘The Art of Possibility’ by Benjamin - the conductor and professor with one of the most watched TED talks of all time - and Rosamund Zander - therapist and coach - they say, speaking initially of a member of an orchestra:
“...the player who looks least engaged may be the most committed member of the group. A cynic, after all, is a passionate person who does not want to be disappointed again.”
In reading that for the first time, something clicked into place in my self understanding, and it’s something I’d encourage you to consider as well.
The cynic is not always the fringe renegade by choice. They’re not always the unpleasable, disinterested hanger-on-by-the-finger-nails just to frustrate you. The cynic isn’t always the whiny nay-sayer because that’s what they love to do.
Sometimes, the cynic is the one who at first had the most enthusiasm, the grandest dreams, incisive creative vision. But then after knock-back, derision, going it alone, and being weighed down by it all they’ve retreated to a cynical space for self-protection. Their mindset may have shifted from ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’ to ‘nothing ventured, at least nothing lost.’
As tempting as it might be to ignore the cynical voice, withdraw from the person who too readily has something critical to say (and, of course, who doesn’t always say it in the best way), switch off to the group who struggle to get on board, please don’t.
It will be to your loss, for they might be the people who have the most to offer if someone will deal gently with them, see past the screen of cynicism and dare to ask, ‘What happened?’ ‘What did you dream of and were disappointed in?’ ‘Who let you down?’ ‘How can we move on well, together?’ and really listen to what comes back.
You can help them heal from the disappointment and open up to dream free of cynicism’s shackles again. The path will be longer and bumpier, no doubt. But through it they might regain their passion for a brighter future. What a stunning way to serve them.
I’d love to hear what you think! Leave a comment below, or get in touch via the links on this site.
And if it’s helped you, would you consider sending it on to a friend?